I’m guessing I wasn’t ever really (stomach) hungry as a kid growing up.Iwas feeding something very far and different from hunger for food.I needed that security it kind of soothed the pain I had inside and the loneliness and fear of not being accepted and loved.The only time I really could say I have felt hunger is when I was really and truly watching my diet.Otherwise how could one feel hungry when they were always eating.Never getting full because something within was very different,we didn’t have the normal food gage like others.Our thermometers were all bent out of shape.My tummy could have been full but that void wasn’t so I kept trying to fill it up until it just had no more room amd we all know what happens after that.Then we beat ourselves up because we are not normal,who would understand someone finishing a huge meal and then going through a drive thru on the way home? So you do understand  it’s not the tummy crying for food right? Then hoping and praying no one sees us……My drive thru days are over I must say and if ever I would go through it would be for a real meal time I’m guessing.Now when I’m on a healthy eating plan and meal time approaches all of a sudden even the carrots are looking stunningly attractive to me where as when I’m eating everything that doesn’t move its the last thing I’ll hit on. I often hear people saying that they take appetite suppressants or that certain meds take away their appetite….really? Appetite to eat….you mean you need to be hungry? Huh? I’m lost,if that were the case I’d be as svelte as ever.I truly eat for every other reason….I’m sharing because I know many of you could and do relate.We’ve spoken about this and you all know who you are.The other folks that have no idea may find this shocking.Like when my neighbor ( friend)  walked over and said” you didn’t really eat six icecream sandwiches now did you”? I wanted to burst out laughing or maybe burst out crying! Yes,actually I’ve also eaten a few large chocolate bars one after the other…and then of course the chips for that hit of salt and then yes let us literally bounce back to the sugar! Can’t share too much about this yet.This will be for another blog.Its actually heart wrenching to know what goes on in the minds of us who suffer from being over weight.Oh you absolutely have no clue. It’s terribly exhausting… .My relationship with food has been warped,twisted,confusing and total hell. Even today I will share with you that when I’m feeling any kind of emotion…joy,excitement ,sadness, fear,loneliness,worry I do have visions of food dancing through my mind.It soothes me for some crazy reason and for the most part today at the age of 56 I could usually work it out and not eat through it.It would calm me down it was my secret affair.My affair with food.It would be there and if it wasn’t I could buy whatever it was I wanted.It wouldn’t reject me or hurt me so I thought! So getting back to the having to be hungry? Nothing to do with it……it’s a whole different bag of popcorn with each kernel filled with a different emotion…..you eat through the bag nothing has changed but your pants sure get tighter and hence the merry go round! Oh,what a ride!