Fond memories of what came to be the home I so loved,the one I fall back to in search of the happy times…..the home filled with people,family from New Jersey that made my heart dance.The very loud backyard with folks having great times by the swimming pool.The Lebanese side partying in our living room dancing and the derbake ( Arabic drum) being played and folks singing  in Arabic and howling with laughter.Hours of begging my dad and Uncle George to take us ,my best friend ever in the whole wide, wide  universe  to Belmont Park…..at times we just had to play our card games over the phone.The shows we would put on for our parents and their friends and ask for money.The numerous card games in the basement.Hanging out in the sun room,playing games…..I close my eyes and feel safe although my relationship with food was born and grew at the very same time.Bittersweet…..So one last memory of this home that  I want to share for now was scrambling for coins and or bills in my moms purse,in drawers,on the counter and finally the best find of all my dads trouser pockets,I swear I’m in them right now,nervously searching for money and boy I struck gold.I was so excited to find not coins but a neatly folded bunch of bills…..I took the one hundred  dollar bill. What nerve I had? It was all good because he would never know because there were so many ! Right? WRONG! All I know is that I spent it on chocolate bars at Macy’s Drug Store….in Rockland Shopping Center.Could you imagine? I’m grateful that I have my own teeth at this point! What could I say? Why? Why? Why? I’m guessing it was my escape,I just didn’t feel like I belonged…..and more on this will come.So, have no doubt that my dad wasn’t a fool.He asked to speak with me in his very raspy,gruff and throaty voice.I was frightened to pieces.This is what I remember ,he was beside me in the spare room where he often napped during the day,he told me that because he was my father that this would be a lesson to learn from and understand that had it been anyone else I had stolen from that the police would be here and I’d be tossed in jail.Behind cold bars,dark and all alone.Holy everything, I was horrified and cried my heart out and said how sorry I was and this would never happen again..never,ever…..hmmmmmmm…..