My parents decided that we were moving.I don’t remember much but I know I was sad.I had to say good bye to all my friends that were like my little family.Although still close by things changed as much as I prayed that they wouldn’t .I knew every house on the street.Especially the one at the end that I felt so happy visiting.I remember fondly Mrs A making me cream of wheat in the morning.Boy that was exciting…..all the play dates.Running off to the park and playing forever. Playing hide and seek. All the games in front of  the house,playing champ,setting off the caps with little rocks,riding our bikes.In the winter we would climb the ginormous mountains of snow on our front lawns….those were the real wintery snowy days.I guess memories of having a normal life and something I knew.Gross,but having my first puffs of a cigarette with my friend A.G and almost choking to death….wonder if she remembers this? My moms friend down the street with her two children. I so remember the little adorable girl with the blonde curls and not far from them the couple I addressed as auntie and uncle who later on in life became my grandparents through marriage.Unbeleiveable…..I loved going there too,she was one of the best cooks ever.The house close to them that had five kids I believe,a real fun family. I would play up in their family room and I remember feeling like I wish I belonged to a family like that..they were so close and the house seemed so filled with love.I have bumped into them here and there in the last years and when I see them I absolutely fall back to my safe place on Revere street but at the same time makes me feel so very sad.Then we moved and everything changed.My memory tells me we had a few years in the new house that was so beautiful,my mom was in love.Some things  I remember but one thing I know was that my best friends were still the chocolate bars from Perrette’s and the donuts from the little store in the Center of town.The candy store where I bought so many black balls,jaw breakers and all kinds of candies.( yuk) I seriously can’t believe I still have my own teeth! Things must have been out of sorts and I didn’t really know it.The food comforted me I guess…. I was still running for it all and I do remember hiding all of the wrappers in my drawers and then they were all discovered and I think I actually said that they weren’t mine….are you kidding me? Who did they belong to then? Lots of food dates with friends….when we got together we planned not what we would do but what we would eat! The friends I do remember still have food issues today……so very heart breaking.Some have emailed me personally after reading my blog and I do hope they feel free to add to this as my memory has faded.Sadly it was always about food.Again,filling that hole that was impossible to be filled ….but we all know what ended  up getting filled …..arghhhhh everything was tight.I have no doubt  my whole image of myself,that being very negative,all began back then.I’m fat therefore I’m ugly and no one loves me and the recording when on to play forever and ever….never stopping.I also lost contact with my friends that meant so much to me….where did they go? This was the beginning of the disconnect for me…..the beginning of not fitting in anywhere……until this day.