I realize that not everyone has the best memories of their childhood .I’ve always craved to have those warm memories though of growing up and sitting around the table and telling childhood stories and most of all hearing of the support and love families had and still have for each other…..I always felt like I had no place at all.I would go to sleep playing out a little game in my mind asking myself who’s family would I prefer to be in..would it my dads brothers or my moms best friends who were no doubt family just the same.I would cry myself to sleep wondering which I should chose.This pain hasn’t gone away and there will always be that sadness of what happened and the family unit that never existed .I’m thinking that’s where the food comes in.The food has no judgement and it’s always there to comfort me.When I’ve been hurting in the past,feeling alone,lost,scared, fearful,rejected ,unwanted I decided that stuffing my face with all kinds of foods would help ease the pain.I know for many this is the same.At the age of 56 I have no problem reaching out to strangers and speaking of my blog (or anything for that matter) it actually comes so easy for me today and makes my heart dance because as a kid growing up I spent a lot of time hiding behind my dads pant leg or pouting.Shy I am not but growing up I was painfully shy and I guess aging does this to some.This week as a matter of fact I was out and about and met the sweetest most helpful young girl,she was adamant to help find me something that I was looking for.We began chatting and she opened up to me about her size and her lifestyle sharing with me that she eats until she feels sick and she doesn’t know why…..she even shared her weight with me and I weighed the same and it looked to me so different.She didn’t appear heavy and I afterall was the largest person in the world? Distortion….that’s another story! So back to the 70’s….my mom was forced into the hospital and I’m guessing this is where it all began….the journey and the pain that my sister and I would face.I believe she went to my moms best friends and I was tossed with my uncle and his family.I sadly have no memory of what went on during those months except for this.I was in high school and walking home from school one day with a friend and I turned to the street and in the car passing us was my father and our priest.I turned to my friend and with my head down and dragging my feet I said to her “my mom died”……

A new light,a new day.Never giving up….ever.The bakeries that were once calling my name when I drove by and all the foods on that naughty list are slowly coming to a halt.A plan is hopeful and a detox is necessary.Get rid of the toxins and all the crazy habits that revisited.Some may find these words to hard to read but they are  real.If it hurts it’s because the truth does hurt.Nothing is meant to discourage but to express that you are not alone.If one could live in the wacky world of a person (just for a day )struggling with their weight and their food they would certainly want OUT and FAST! There is a calm after the storm.Until the next one hits that is and of course hoping and praying that this time will be different.Addiction…that nasty A word.It’s not a kind battle.Just allowing us to forgive ourselves and be gentle and positive is what is needed.Then each successful day turns into a new one and within days,weeks and months we’re on top of our mountain again.We are our worst  enemy no doubt but let there be hope and let us work this one day at a time…..let those images of our favorite foods dance their way out of our minds and bring in positive ones…..remembering that nothing tastes better than success! The holidays end and all is quiet and I will now invite you back into my childhood and the food factor…..lots more to read and I hope that you stay on for the ride.