It’s  been too long since my last blog,for this I apologize.It’s all about making the time…setting our goals.I guess when the list is long and the days,weeks and months fly by we must sit down and get our priorities in line and make sure to get things done to make ourselves feel fulfilled and content.As many of us are leading very busy hectic lives it is so important to accomplish what matters the most in order for us to do well and achieve our goals.What has helped me get through the past weeks is to plan  my food every day.Having direction,having a plan helps my mind not wander and helps prevent making wrong choices.Also when a thought of a little binge comes to mind I wash it away very quickly and replace it with something much more healthy and rewarding.In the past I have actually spent a lot of time and energy on a crazy little pig out plan …….maybe I’ll have this or that afterwards….I have found it’s mostly after a difficult situation or uncomfortable event that has left my emotions desperately needing comfort or company…..I’m getting past this….and the writing does help me very much so.As does forgiveness.For example,this weekend was more of a challenge.I made my choices ahead of time and had my plan.So the plan was successful two out of three days.I am  grateful and celebrate this rather than beat myself up for the day it didn’t work as planned.Why? Well in the past I would  feel like I screwed up and failed myself so why bother? Well, today after changing my plan yesterday and it honestly wasn’t so bad but the scale gently reminded me to get right back on track.So today I feel good, I feel strong and realize that every journey and every path has its bumps.As a therapist once shared with me I will share with you…..So you’re planning a road trip let’s say to Florida.You take the wrong turn and it costs you some time and stress….oh well .Do you turn back and go home or do you get on that right road and continue your journey? The answer is clear..we are human and getting right back on track is what leads us to our destination.This applies to any addiction or plan…..As I know personally, many are fighting with food,alcohol ,shopping addictions and more.Be gentle with yourself and you may be in for a little surprise.

A very emotional week has passed and as if struck by lightening I was totally aware of the moment it happened and my reaction.I received a phone call that triggered many emotions inside of me.I had actually just pulled up at a gas station .As I sat in the car and the conversation ended I had already decided that a chocolate bar was in order! Yap,I would  pay inside and buy the yummiest of bars…..and nibble at it on the way to seeing my client.The little voice was there no doubt asking me so many questions.Really, buy  a bar here? Probably not so fresh,a tad stale even……wait until you really want something better and you could enjoy it.Cathy,you said you wouldn’t eat this crap anymore..you will not even enjoy it.You will stuff  it in your mouth and hope that it doesn’t go all over the car and wipe your face silly because you don’t want to show up with smears of chocolate everywhere….it’s just ridiculous.Are you hungry? Exhausting …yes,very exhausting.Did I buy it? Take a guess ..go on.As I hopped out of the car a friend pulled up beside me and talked my ear off,a very pleasant surprise mind you.As I pumped the fuel we yapped away…..While I pondered what bar I would  buy.All done…time to pay and make that big decision ….ya’ think? He walked right in with me and continued to talk up a mean streak……he saved my day! This bar could have been the open invitation to so many other treats to follow that day…I never know if it will end there or continue. We had had many discussions about nutrition etc in the past and knowing him he would have asked why I wanted it..so I spared  myself the lecture and as I share this story with you the tears stream down my cheeks..because I don’t know why???? When all I want is to be normal.I have faith that the time will once again be here.I pray and have faith and continue my journey.I share this as it is a part of my story,my life, my battle and it all makes me who I am.So many people share their food stories with me and as they read my blog they cry and nod their heads because they so get it and others shake their heads not understanding it one bit……hopefully this will help people to not judge those that don’t have the perfect shape or body as we are way more than what you will ever see.

If one could only find the answers as to why food holds such importance ?  Especially when we want nothing but this! Checking back in to the present ( 2016) and still fighting the fight.As I’m driving down the highway to yet another hopeful appointment to help save me,make sense of my eating habits and secretly looking for that magic wand to be waved in front of me and for this all to be done with.The forever  wishing to find that special plan that works and I could stay on..maybe for that switch to turn back on.The switch that allows food to just simply do what it must and not take priority over everything.Well I arrive to my appointment early as the traffic in the city was light being Spring Break.Great! I now have an hour to fill.I actually sat in my car and wondered what normal people would do? The only thoughts I had were of food dancing in my head.Why? Okay so I was told there was a Starbucks near by and to my surprise I parked in front of a store with the bold letters screaming “BAGELS” on it…..now what do I do? I reminded myself that I had had breakfast and that I was not at all hungry.Not hungry for food anyways but what was I really hungry for? Hmmmmmmmmm…..As if out of my body and no longer in charge of my footsteps I waltzed into the shop and had an affair in my mind with the bagels and toppings they offered,the over stuffed sandwiches wrapped up so tightly and the numerous different treats throughout the store….I reminded myself that I was not hungry but some where within I felt that need to eat or buy and stock up before seeing the magic wand lady! So really not wanting to and smarter to know the difference I found myself asking the girl if the oatmeal Nutella cookies were good? Like really? Was I hoping that she would tell me that they were disgusting and that my tongue would fall off if I ate them. A huge smile appeared on her face and she said they are delicious and they were just made.I said “perfect I’ll have four please”.Did I just order these I asked myself? Exactly when will you eat these Cathy ? ….I sat down and bit into the first one actually reminding myself that I knew not a soul in this place so that was a relief.Wow…..like really and who cares? I do apparently.I wiped my lips and off I went to Starbucks…and by the way the cookie was nothing spectacular….why are there no other shops open other than these foodie places where I could just browse to pass the hour……the hour that felt like a week.So yes I walk into Starbucks and order a hot drink….I’ll  spare the details.You will never  believe this…a cherry square starts to wink at me…..oh no…it is bulging with Cherries  my fave by the way and being hugged with oats loads of oats.Help!!!! I settle my drink and then proceed to ask the girl about the cherry square.With a huge smile I could tell she loves them…she carried on as I would describing it like it was truly the end of the world.I smiled and said thank you maybe later then.Yes,time for my appointment……thank you Lord! After cleansing my soul and sharing it all I also shared the story of my four cookies and desperately looked into her eyes and asked ” what will I do with the other three cookies now”? Like will I throw them out? She nodded and said yes you will.I slowly walked down the stairs and thought but I don’t want to throw them out…..but I don’t even want to eat them….how exhausting is this?   My mind is tired….I arrive at my car and open the door reaching for the bag,my little comfort bag, my company on the way home……and toss them.Smiling,I get into my car and drive off feeling so very proud of myself.I share this for one reason only,yes very personal it is but I’m sharing because I know there are so many people out there feeling the same way as I do.You are NOT alone! I shared this crazy  story with a friend and she sat in front of me with tears in her eyes as she knows the pain so well. She nodded her head and her watery eyes said it all…..she even knew the shop I spoke of.She herself on her own journey and having lost over eighty pounds recently knows all too well.She shared her plan with me and I was frightened for her as she went on saying now she cannot eat bread,sugar or drink alcohol.I feel this is temporary as one cannot live as such.I did this too and lost and regained….but who’s to know maybe her journey will be different.I pray for peace of mind and the strength to never stop trying.Stay tuned as we will travel back to the 70’s soon enough.